The daily struggles ...

So guys, I haven't ever really blogged before, but I have decided to give it a try, but i also think it might be a good way for some people to relate to the daily trials: So it's almost 4 AM and I can't sleep after falling asleep at 10 and waking up at 12:30 from a text from a friend. This is a guy that I like that doesn't really seem to have the same feelings that I do for him, that is one of the most frustrating things. Trying to find someone in this gay world who wants what you want!

The past few weeks have been all over the place for me. I felt like I needed to move home to finish school, be with family and friends, and feel safe and comfortable in a place that I have known my whole life. The more into moving and planning the details I got, the worse I felt about the decision. Denver has been great for me! It has given me a chance to really explore and realize who I want and not have to worry about who is around and what other people might think or say. It has also given me a chance to meet new people, and experience new things while at the same time somewhat keeping me on the edge so that I don't get lazy in a foreign city! So while feeling worse and worse about the move back to Utah, I went through and tried to figure out what would need to change to stay out here in Denver! And all in all, there wasn't a whole ton that would have to change to get me back into school and on the right path. So with that in mind I have decided to be true to myself, and stay in Denver. While there are very many people I love and miss back in Utah, there are also people I love and would miss in Denver as well.

So a few of the things I need to do to change, (so I can be held accountable) I need to be more aware of my financial spending. Track my finances better and don't go blow money on stupid things. Another thing is move to a cheaper place, while I love where I live, I could find a cheaper place to live much closer to school to help me stay focused and also save money. And the other last major item, is start working out/jogging regularly. When I do that in my life it helps me stay focused on the goals that I have set in place. I don't know why, but it just does.
Another of the epic things I need to be more careful about out here in Denver. Boys. Yes, boys. I was raised Mormon with the aspect of settling down after your mission and start having kids. As most of you know,.... haha that isn't quite possible with the lifestyle that I lead now. However, having that driven into your head all of your life makes it very difficult to walk away from (especially when you are trying to cling to everything that you think will make you a happier better person). But in the my world, gays are all about diving into things all to quickly. And if anyone knows me... It sounds all too familiar! I love to dive into things (most of the time without thinking them through), and want to truly settle down with mr. right (I am happiest and most content when I am dating someone), so with that deadly combination... things don't go too smoothly when I dive all to quickly into dating. So instead, the last major item on the agenda is taking things slowly (not just dating, but this is what I am referencing right now). If I like someone and someone likes me, it doesn't mean we have to hang out all the time or else it won't happen, it just means we have to take things slowly, and get to know each other before diving into things that will make it all the more complicated.

On that note, this is the tone that these blogs will follow, very close and very personal to me. SOOOOOOO, if you have a problem with these, this is the one thing in my life I will NOT censor for anyone. You must be open minded and gay friendly to read. If you have homophobic feelings from anything I have written, best not read my blog again. I love you all, and hope everyone is doing well. Please leave comment or email me! I would love to hear feedback!
Dustin O.