Gay Played

So I have had an interesting experience these past few weeks! I got played! Not that I have never been played before, or have never done it to others myself (guilty as charged)! It was a different kind of played! Read on my fare weather fans and you shall be intrigued more....

I met a little blond boy this summer at a pool party (we shall call him ‘Blondie’) who was there with one of my other friends, they had been hanging out/dating for a short period of time. While I thought Blondie was way out of my friends league, I didn't question! I met him, and that was that, things burned out quickly between my friend and him for one reason or another and I didn't hear much about him after that.

Luckily, as in the Denver gay community, you are bound to bump into people again, as I did at a night club some 2'ish months later. There was a straight couple making out (strictly forbidden at a gay club), and we (my intoxicated followers and I) thought action must be taken! So we started throwing coins at the straighties!

If you know anything about the mo's, you know we generally can't throw a thing! So we often missed and hit the gays standing next to the straight 'maker-outers'. The gay gaggle would get agitated, and look around for the source of the coins and not being able to find it settle into conversation once again only to be pegged by another coin shortly after! Luckily one of the boys was ‘Blondie’ (same boy from pool party), so I thought perfect opportunity to once again go up and flirt with this cute boy!

I approached and upon being remembered was thrilled! Blondie and I laughed, I met the friend (who was obviously unhappy to break up their love-fest) and flirted with Blondie, using the coin-throwing explanation as an excuse. We talked for a few minutes, until I got bored and ADHD kicked in, and I bid my farewell and moved on. This was the last I saw of him for several months until approximately 2 weeks ago!

My sister was coming into town and I was stoked! She hadn’t had the opportunity to see the Denver that I loved so much, so I was gonna show her right! ‘Paint the town’ as we call it! In the process of showing her the town, we ran into… none other than Blondie! It was great, I had my sister, a cute boy and a few of his friends and we had a blast! Until… he quit paying attention to me and instead focused on my sister. While it was great and all, my wanting her to have a good time in my city, kinda over ruled the walking away from him. I sat around and moped while they played, had a few convo’s with other people I knew and they still just gabbed away. After several hours of this, it was finally time to go, he had atleast taken my information so he could try and keep in contact with my sister. So the night hadn’t been a total bust for me.

Here commences the playing!

Blondie and I would text back and forth a few times every day, talking about this-that-and other stuff in between. In conversation we covered lots! Come to find out (both from him, and my other connections) he was dating a guy… or 4. But he was honest when I asked him so we continued to talk as friends. This happened for a week, until oddly enough, his sister came into town! He asked if I wanted to come and hang with them, which was lucky, cause my friends were going to the same place. We met up and Blondie’s sister loved me! It was perfect, my sister loved him, his sister loved me! It was awesome! We danced, laughed and talked late into the night but they had to leave before the night was over. I bid them farewell and kept hanging with my friends until finally I got bored and left myself. I figured I would call and see what they were up to, being college kids and all, they were probably drinkin at home! Luckily for me, they were all tired and went to bed, but Blondie wasn’t tired. He was ‘restless’ was what he told me. So I came home, cleaned up and went over to his place for a movie. We flipped in a movie and paid somewhat attention to it while talking and laughing, until he really opened up.

Now, I don’t know if I was special as he claimed I was, or not, but he really opened up about his life, about how rough things were and just about everything. Tears were served up as well…

Now if you ever need to know how to get to me, generally, tears will melt me. I just don’t know how to handle this. So I crumbled, after putting up a ‘no kissing rule’ earlier in the night, I crumbled. We kissed, talked, laughed, mostly about random stupid stuff, but we did hit some pretty profound stuff. I was flabbergasted! For this kid being a teenager (legal, of course), he seemed pretty deep and with a great head on his shoulders. The only catch was his… several…. ‘friends’. This was a huge deterrent for me, but I am usually one who gets what I want, so I continued on anyway!

We continued to hang out and see each other every night for several nights in a row, until I had plans one night. Now I am the kind of guy that once I am into a person, that is the only person on my dating radar. So I was with a friend and we were texting back and forth, and low and behold he was hanging out with another guy. The most SHOCKING part is, he was completely honest about it! Told me who, when, where, what, and even how! Everything I wanted to know (and more too)?!? So I thought I could be semi-ok knowing I was sharing this guy… After a few more days/nights of this I realized I was wrong, so very very wrong…. We were out for a friends birthday, when it slowly dawned on me what was really going on in this little set-up.

I was the available meat!

I was the schmuk who would give him the here and now. I wasn’t the person he picked to spend his time with! I was his only available option at the time! He did everything with me only because I was available! Now in my view, sometimes being meat is ok, but you better believe I am ‘Grade A’ meat bitches! And I was being treated like the skirt steak! Being beaten with the meat cleaver to soften me up so I was tolerable!!

Anyway, things quickly dissolved within minutes of this little realization.

The sad thing is, in a way I kind of admire Blondie. He has balls! One, for being completely honest about the situation (A truly open player of the game). Two, for being so damn cute he can almost get away with it! And finally, three; for treating people like second hand anything. Even being up in front of their faces, and everything, and thinking they are gonna roll over and let it fly.

Sad news for this boy.

It’s only a matter of time before it will catch up with him and his deep seated fear of being alone will be fully manifested.

life changes and evolves

It’s been a little while since I have updated! Sorry for the time gap. This summer was crazy busy and life hasn’t slowed down much since then! I am playing volleyball on a league with 3 ex college volleyball players, so they are amazing and I try to keep up. I have been learning a lot, but it’s been a blast and I look forward to every time I get to play with them! I am working at least 5 to 8 shifts a week, more this past week cause we had someone quit, but things are going good at work. They are like my little work family. There are really only about 20 people on the whole staff and you get to work with everyone quite frequently, so you get very close. Luckily for me, we have very quality people with great personalities, and are very good at their job making it easier for everyone to do theirs. I have started attending an open minded church and have went for about a month now. Not sure I will be joining, but it’s always good to feel accepted and appreciated by those around you for your talents and skills. I was asked to sing in their choir this past week, so I attended my first practice this past Wednesday, and it was very difficult! It’s so weird, all of their music is in different languages, and seeing as I don’t speak any other languages…. It’s been very difficult, but they gave me a solo to perform, so they must think I am ok. :P I volunteer once a week and tutor kids who are having troubles with their math, science or reading, and I really like that. I have a few kids remind me a lot of my little munchkins I taught tumbling. Always hard thinking back to how life used to be SO different.
So ya, that is a generic update on what my day to day life is!
About 2 and a half weeks ago I had someone important leave my life, for what appears to be for good. It sucks, to put it nicely, but I guess it was a growing experience that I needed(?) to go through. Luckily for me I had something else to focus on… MY Parents and little brother were coming to visit Denver for the first time!?!? I was so stoked! And had so much stuff to get done. I had to combine all my stuff into one bedroom because we moved another roommate into my house, so I had SOOO much shit lying around my bedroom. So I had been trying to fix my closet so it could hold more clothing, while getting a new dresser to hold the rest of my clothes (apparently I have a LOT of clothes). But anyway, I finally got some help to finish my closet, thanks B (I have the best co-workers ever)!

And all on the same day I found a free dresser, so I picked that up and painted it! So it was a great day! I got my closet finished and painted my dresser! It was great, that way I was almost ready for my family to come to town! I cleaned up my bedroom and was ALL ready to go for my family (mom, dad, and Tyler) to get here. The first night they were here we went to dinner at my restaurant. It was good! 2nd day, I took my fam to my favorite little chineese place in Denver! Then we walked the 16th street mall and me and my mom got to have a great little talk while walking arm in arm. :P Saturday morn we went to the flea market and had turkey legs, so that was great! A great little preview for Disneyland in January!

Aight guys –
So as life changes and evolves it always makes me wonder, what the hell is next! I sure hope it’s a good change. Thanks for reading.
Dustin O.

Compounding...

When you roll out of bed and have a terrible attitude, it just seems to get worse and worse. You realize your 10 minutes late for work already, you stub your toe on your bed base, and while inspecting it to see if it's broken in the shower you hit your head! I am sure we have all had mornings like this... However, that was not at all like my day today! :)
I woke up about 9:30, which after a 12 hour shift last night and not hitting the sheets until about 3:30, makes for a pretty short night! But, I was excited cause it was my body telling me I had enough sleep, not my alarm! So I hop up, climb in the shower and realize I am early enough I should walk downtown and get a coffee! So after cleaning up, I walk downtown to my roomie's lil coffee shop and she bought me coffee and a banana! From that point, I knew it was gonna be a good day! :)
After getting my morning moo juice, I headed out to Arvada, OH BTW! I moved guys! I am now officially in downtown Denver! I LOVE IT! It's so close to everything! The house is so cute and charming! It was built in the early 1900's, and has all the fun and interesting things that an older house has, but I will blog about my house later... But yes, I headed out to Arvada, to pick up the rest of my stuff (stupid leftovers after a move). And then decided to go pick up my check from Bar Louie! Well after getting up to the bar, he brought out 3 checks!?! Who knew!?! The checks actually turned out to be a lil over a hundred dollars what I was expecting, so that was good!
Heading back to my new place to unload my stuff, I called a friend and realized just how lucky I am. I have so many good quality friends! It's been over a year since I have seen her and we picked up just like nothing had happened, the good times, the bad, the silly things, everything you love to tell your friends about! I am so lucky to have so many good friends, I just have to say thanks!
So the last compounding thing, that just made me feel good, I sitting at an intersection in Denver, and this is a pretty big intersection, it's with 3 different streets criss-crossing through it, so it's pretty busy all of the time. There is a jeep from the 80's that has died one car up and a lane over from me. The man starts pushing, and I throw my car in park and jump to help, and low and behold 4 other guys are there at the exact same time I am to help this guy move his car off of the road. Now this may be a selfish thing, get the car out of the road to avoid traffic congestion, but to this man it was so much more! It was a helping hand in an embarassing situation, where they were there, and we have all been there, if you haven't, you need to drive 'the great white'ish... my 1989 mercury topaz from high school with a different colored hood and drivers door. That will build you some character. :P But anyway! I just would love to spread on the happiness and joy from simple acts of kindness like this one, and hope to spread a lil sunshine into your day! Because mine has been awesome so far! (and very productive too) So thanks to all for reading my blog, I love hearing feedback and comments! Love, please and chicken grease to all!
D

Your children say....

As many people know I work in a restaurant as a server, not a very glamorous job, but one that I love because of my interaction with people. Also, the type of restaurant I work at plays a very big part of it as well. If enjoy the people at a table, I am encourage to pull up a chair and talk with them, create a personal bond, and get to know them on an individual basis. I had the opportunity to do this with a family a few days ago.

Their party had 5 of them in total, grandma was there with them, a young couple in their late 20's, and 2 little girls. One was 5, the other 4. Both girls were absolutely gorgeous, but the 4 year old sticks out in my mind. Her smile never slipped from her face, even as her spaghetti hit the floor (although my smile faltered at this point), as she spilled her sticky Shirley Temple (sprite and cherry flavoring for people in UT) all over the table and booth, (still struggling to keep my smile up) and lastly as she flings ice cream at her grandma sitting at the other side of the table (I have to laugh at this as it really pisses grandma off), but this little girl is so special and her smile makes me want to pick her up and take her home with me! This little girl has down syndrome.

One of my gifts that I appreciate several times daily is my ability to relate to others so well, that in normal conversation they open up to me (sometimes not such a great thing.) In our conversing it came to their little girls, the young couple had been married for about 2 years when they got pregnant, they were at a point where it would be ok, and they would deal if they had a child, but not at the ideal point to start a family. They had her, and she was perfect, but they were really struggling financially with the hospital bills and everything when they got pregnant again. This scared them both quite a bit. A few weeks later, newborn in tow, going into the dr., they found something not right in all the testing. The baby would be born with down syndrome. This was almost too much for the young couple. The pregnancy was just a few short weeks in and all the options were open to them including termination. At such a young age (the parents) and having such a young baby, not many would point a finger at them for doing this, however they did not terminate the pregnancy. They decided to have the baby and she is now 4 years old. She is absolutely adorable and everyone around her finds joy.

Many people in the world seriously consider these options when they are made aware of such problems as down syndrome. Whether they contemplate and consider it publicly or privately is totally dependent on the person, but i would say 95% of people consider this. There was just something simply a little different about this little girl.

Now I know this may be a harsh comparison, but I have wondered it for some time. With my Mormon upbringing, where homosexuality is so wrong, if it one day becomes possible to test for homosexuality, would pregnancies be terminated all the time?
Many people in the Mormon church shudder at the thought of one of their children turning out to be gay. If it were possible to test for such things ahead of time, would they terminate pregnancies, knowing the full challenges they would face later down the line? What would you do? and since this is kinda my blog... :P If it were possible what would have my family done? Do people really have that big of a problem with anothers sexuality that they would rather have them not be born than deal with it later in life? Or would they just raise you and ask you to walk away to clear their conscious? What do you think? What would you do? or if you wouldn't do anything different, how would you counsel another who is not so open minded as you?
D

The daily struggles ...

So guys, I haven't ever really blogged before, but I have decided to give it a try, but i also think it might be a good way for some people to relate to the daily trials: So it's almost 4 AM and I can't sleep after falling asleep at 10 and waking up at 12:30 from a text from a friend. This is a guy that I like that doesn't really seem to have the same feelings that I do for him, that is one of the most frustrating things. Trying to find someone in this gay world who wants what you want!

The past few weeks have been all over the place for me. I felt like I needed to move home to finish school, be with family and friends, and feel safe and comfortable in a place that I have known my whole life. The more into moving and planning the details I got, the worse I felt about the decision. Denver has been great for me! It has given me a chance to really explore and realize who I want and not have to worry about who is around and what other people might think or say. It has also given me a chance to meet new people, and experience new things while at the same time somewhat keeping me on the edge so that I don't get lazy in a foreign city! So while feeling worse and worse about the move back to Utah, I went through and tried to figure out what would need to change to stay out here in Denver! And all in all, there wasn't a whole ton that would have to change to get me back into school and on the right path. So with that in mind I have decided to be true to myself, and stay in Denver. While there are very many people I love and miss back in Utah, there are also people I love and would miss in Denver as well.

So a few of the things I need to do to change, (so I can be held accountable) I need to be more aware of my financial spending. Track my finances better and don't go blow money on stupid things. Another thing is move to a cheaper place, while I love where I live, I could find a cheaper place to live much closer to school to help me stay focused and also save money. And the other last major item, is start working out/jogging regularly. When I do that in my life it helps me stay focused on the goals that I have set in place. I don't know why, but it just does.
Another of the epic things I need to be more careful about out here in Denver. Boys. Yes, boys. I was raised Mormon with the aspect of settling down after your mission and start having kids. As most of you know,.... haha that isn't quite possible with the lifestyle that I lead now. However, having that driven into your head all of your life makes it very difficult to walk away from (especially when you are trying to cling to everything that you think will make you a happier better person). But in the my world, gays are all about diving into things all to quickly. And if anyone knows me... It sounds all too familiar! I love to dive into things (most of the time without thinking them through), and want to truly settle down with mr. right (I am happiest and most content when I am dating someone), so with that deadly combination... things don't go too smoothly when I dive all to quickly into dating. So instead, the last major item on the agenda is taking things slowly (not just dating, but this is what I am referencing right now). If I like someone and someone likes me, it doesn't mean we have to hang out all the time or else it won't happen, it just means we have to take things slowly, and get to know each other before diving into things that will make it all the more complicated.

On that note, this is the tone that these blogs will follow, very close and very personal to me. SOOOOOOO, if you have a problem with these, this is the one thing in my life I will NOT censor for anyone. You must be open minded and gay friendly to read. If you have homophobic feelings from anything I have written, best not read my blog again. I love you all, and hope everyone is doing well. Please leave comment or email me! I would love to hear feedback!
Dustin O.